while my eyes in the meantime measure the plain
So, from sun to sun, I forge the keys.
In the half-light, I look for locks
and keep on opening broken doors to the sea
until I fill the cupboards up with foam.”
Translation from Pablo Neruda’s poetry
A long time ago there lived a band of kayakers in the misty lands of Portland and they drank too much, slept too little, hot tubbed too often, used their credit cards as cash, boated above their heads, made too many friends, drove recklessly, danced, had huge bashes, and enjoyed their youth. And each day they woke up a little something changed. Slowly Hunter S. Thompson was replaced with Ernest Hemingway. They even found themselves reading Twilight and The adventures of Harry Potter in the Cherry Tree. One day they reread Alice in Wonderland and the Cheshire Cat filled their dreams. “We are all mad here.” They bought houses, got married, had kids, and boated less. Never forget that less is always a relative word; here we are talking about less of a grand quantity; and that still means they drink a lot. Last year I dreamt of the flying carpets of my youth; this year I dream of another grand canyon trip and have nightmares about bad timing.
“I wonder if I've been changed in the night? Let me think. Was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is 'Who in the world am I?' Ah, that's the great puzzle!”
Alice in Wonderland
Let us go then you and I, and hear of the great adventures of my brother’s wedding. If you read last year’s blog, it was now February and Nateesh had left for Japan. We talked daily but it wasn’t working and that is about all I’m going to mention here. My brother dressed me up in a suit sat me in a church and we slurped down whiskey from a John Deere flask to get through the day. We used a cataraft and flowers to decorate the reception. As we welcome Roxanne to the Horner family she has made us proud by getting us another Grand Canyon trip. Niki and I will be doing the first half of the trip over my spring break this year!! Alex meets up for the second half. Carrie, Josh, Roxanne and friends will be completing the entire trip. What a great Horner Roxanne is going to be. It was such a great thing to have the winter broken up with a great wedding and we all are excited for the couple’s successes.
Mike Ross's Facebook comment, "Yes the reception is fine, I'm in church."
Besides, all the many things that have been said about god and death are just stories, and this is another one.
José Saramago, Death with Interruptions
It seems like summer always starts to show its colors at the East Fork Lewis/ Canyon creek races. Canyon Creek Washington is currently a logjam so we had our festivities on the Lewis this year. Luke and Ollie did a great job as always. Later in the summer I found myself on my sister’s Grand Canyon trip dreaming of the Lewis. Ollie owns a house above the gorge on the Lewis and it is the home to some great post-race parties. In my dream later that summer, Ollie had 2 extremely attractive daughters instead of a son. Before the party they kept trying to get me to help build a shed to house the party in preparation for a great rain. Instead of helping I went boating. Then the party happened and it was a blur (true to real life). In my dream Nateesh and I set up camping pads and slept on the ground. We were woken up by a great commotion as the house and shed caught fire. A white stallion came to trample us. I was able to jump up and pull Nateesh from under the horse. As Nateesh turned to run the white horse bit her in the ass. Then Nateesh ran out of my dream. Olly’s house and buildings had burnt down in the night. He had an entire crew helping him remake the structures and cutting logs with a portable saw mill and his hot daughters kept trying to get me to help in the rebuild. We the editors must say that we refuse to be held responsible for the opinions and excesses in these blogs. The imagery and psychosis is strictly the ownership of the author. Readers experiencing illusions of grandeur are encouraged to say the Hail Mary 5 times in succession and abstain from large consumption of absinthe. On the actual day of the party I sat on a rock island running safety with Lisa at Joe’s swimming hole with a couple of beers in tow. In real life it was a good day.
Mellisa runs Sunset Photographer unknown
Jeff back in the day runs Big Kahuna on Canyon Creek
"Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be to late!" The White Rabbit
Discovery in mathematics has an interesting sense of timing. If a human discovers something too soon, they will be threatened with blasphemy and perhaps burned on the stake for not respecting God’s wishes. If a person discovers something too late on the historic timeline, no matter how interesting the proof is, they most likely will never find their name on the great wall banner of mathematical discovery because their find has been preceded by a young great mathematician who afterwards managed to lose the ability to tie her shoe laces at a young age. On the other hand if the world is ready, the mathematicians mind is primed, and all things seem to be in order, it is very likely that another mathematician will also make the same discovery. Such was the odd case with the invention of calculus. Millions of years for an apple to land on a young fresh head and a pineapple lands at the same time on Leibniz’s head. Both mathematicians discovered the great invention of calculus at almost the same time. Everybody knows the dice are loaded and everybody rolls with their fingers crossed.
“Everybody knows the deal is rotten
Old black joes still pickin’ cotton
For your ribbons and bows
And everybody knows
Everybody knows that the naked man and women
Are just a shining artifact of the past
Everyone knows the scene is dead
But there’s gonna be a meter on your bed
That will disclose
What everybody knows”
Leonard Cohen
Spring break was fun. Jesse Mitchell, South African Dave, Niki, and I stuffed into a extended cab Toyota and headed for the Santa Cruz surf competition. The weather and surf didn’t work out, but we did manage to find a bar that still allowed smoking, and I was able to show the group some of my mellow California favorites: the McCloud and the ever famous Chili Bar run on the South Fork of the American. Niki even got to enjoy watching the world famous Tao Berman doing pushups while topless and standing against the Santa Cruz guardrail.
Hiking into the McCloud
Your homework assignment: Tweedledum (to Tweedledee): The sum of your weight and twice mine is 361 lbs. Tweedledee (to Tweedledum): Contrawise, the sum of your weight and twice mine is 362 lbs. Find the weight of each of the two characters.
Alex, Audrey, Lori, Jonathon, Jonathon’s friend, and I had a great low water trip down the Illinois. I’m so happy to see Lori happy and I’m glad that Jonathon is the one to be there. We had a great time at your wedding this year and are jealous that you are vacationing in Cambodia and Thailand. Lori will kill me for telling this story, but it really makes me giggle. After Lori and Jonathon had returned from their honeymoon in Hawaii, I ran into them at a wedding shower for our friends Lindsay and Jon. Lori was telling a great story about how she lost the custom made ring that Jonathon had got her in the Hawaii surf. They had to hire a guy with a metal detector to find it. Before he would look he quizzed her about the value of the ring and her comment was its priceless, I’m just not used to wearing rings. About then I piped into the story, “I wear rings all the time, but I do like to play with them and hence I lose them. That is the main reason I haven’t got married yet, I’m worried that I will lose the ring.” I’m not quite sure why everyone laughed so hard and Lori spit out the champagne she had just sipped.
“You must be the kind of girl that throws the cap away,” said our shuttle driver to the soon to be 30 Melsie. Carrie, Alex, Mellissa, and I did the now routine drive to Boise. Picked Chris Cosgriff up at the airport and headed on a 4-day trip down the Bruneau River. The experience started quite normally until we met our shuttle driver Lance (please see photos below). We loaded our supplies into the back of the truck, grabbed a few beers for the road, and had a great drive to the put-in of the classic 60 mile Jarbridge into Bruneau River trip. It was a great trip. By the time we had reached the take out we had already exhausted our liquor supply. Luckily Lance was packing up another group and giving them a ride to the top. Sharing a bit of his whiskey with us, the cap went missing. Thanks Melissa and I had a great time at your 30th birthday and want to congratulate you on your finishing your CPA exam if you manage to read this far into my blog ☺.
The crew with Lance the shuttle driver
The shuttle drive
Mellissa's 30th
Stuffed in a few good student trips. Some highlights were a high water trip down the Clackamas. We flipped one raft and got one stuck in a terminal eddy on the first rapid, powerhouse. I think we will have to consider putting in below it next student trip if the water is at a similar level. Also had a great trip with the 6th grade class from William’s school on the Deschutes River and later followed it up with a student Deschutes trip leading into a Hood River party to close down the A.T. paddle company that I barely remember.
Between spring term and summer term I had a one week vacation. Somehow I was lucky enough to get a cancellation for a 7-day trip on the Middle Fork of the Salmon. Mom, Niki, and I had a fun trip over in the truck. At the put in we where joined by a massive 16-person crew. If you have read blogs from previous years you already know the themes: hot springs, scenery, drinking, and occasionally a horse ridden by Mary. This year was great; please wish us luck in this year’s lottery or at least keep your fingers crossed for another cancellation permit.
Brett's Middle Fork Photos
Mom!
Then it was back to work. I worked this summer to make up for my adventures last Fall term. It was all going to be worth it, because as soon as my term was over and I had done some prep work for the next school year, we were off on my sister’s Grand Canyon permit.
Day negative 2: Load up Chris Palmer’s truck with coolers and leave Portland. Find punk bar in Boise and have much needed fun.
Day negative 1: find entire crew in Page Arizona, eat Mexican food, drink fish bowl margaritas and sleep.
Day zero: Buy lots of beer ($900 worth), more alcohol, fresh vegetables, and head to launch. Blow up boats, eat cold pizza and sleep well.
Day 1: Listen to ranger Dick’s speech and pretend like the orange juice isn’t spiked. Float under pretty bridge, eat really good sandwiches, boat some more, have salmon grilled on planks with wild rice for dinner.
Day 2: see lots more pretty things. Drink lots of absinthe.
Repeat.
It is so hard for me to understand, but I never want to write about a Grand Canyon trip after it is done. I’m sure the reader will find it just as hard to understand that a 16-day trip isn’t a major part of a yearly story. And we the editors are considering quitting if Shane doesn’t get over his writer’s block. It was a major part of my year, but I don’t know how to and I don’t want to make it a major part of this story. The river trip was great as always, but let me give you an analogy. It compares to watching a movie at the theatre early in the day to save some money on matinee prices. After the movie is done and the credits roll your mind is confused and still hasn’t lost its suspension of disbelief that what you just saw was fake. The theater doors open and it is daylight in early October. It really is such a confusing feeling. Maybe a second analogy will help. I remember coming home to the farm one day and my dad had created a great bonfire. Into it he was placing all his remaining paintings from his college art major. In his words, “sometimes a picture just doesn’t fit with your memory of the moment.” With the same thought process the pictures that follow show a photo journal of our great Grand Canyon trip. The minute I post this year’s blog I will burn this year’s river notes that I used to write this blog. Sometimes words just don’t fit your memory of the moment.
Our trip leader Carrie
The Launch
Alex
Niki's birthday
Dave on Lava
So many parties at the Ross Family compound this year. Some highlights included a great fire works show, a roasted pig, dirt bikes, and only a few broken bones. If you haven’t joined in the fun yet; we’ll keep you posted. We the editors must mention that our insurance will not cover any damages incurred at the Ross Family Compound. Please sign the waiver before you cross the rail road bridge over the creek, after this year’s flood we must suggest walking onto the property.
And after much deliberation, I am now the proud owner of a house. To quote Brett, “get your life together and the rest will follow.” Finding a house would have been easy, but finding a house with enough storage to keep all this boating gear was hard. I had to settle on a house farther away from my school. Although I have missed walking to classes, the rest has worked out. Held my birthday party at home and it was fun to finally plan a party and not have to talk someone else into ruining their house. Fresh squeezed greyhounds and ginger infused whiskey high balls for all. House warming gifts included a bottle of Sake from Chris Augustine, a whole chicken in a can with a Home Depot gift certificated taped to the top from Babcock, and a new toilet seat from Jeff Kuhns. Unfortunately the toilet seat was the wrong size, but I’m currently working on screwing it into a concrete wall in my basement. If you lift the seat you will find a picture of Jeff.
When I saw it had a raft in the garage, I knew I needed to buy it.
"To his adoring readers he was Lewis Carroll, the sweet-natured writer who wandered through life with a head full of stories. To his long-suffering colleagues in Oxford he was the Rev Charles Dodgson, the prickly mathematician who walked around with a poker-straight back and a head full of algebra. The two were like strangers who merely happened to inhabit the same skin." The Telegraph writing about Lewis Carroll
I'm not sure why time is such a relevant part of the Lewis Carrol's books. It seems that every character has a sense of timing, whether it is slow, fast, or just malicious. The white rabbit watching his ever so important watch. Somehow I think if we could go down the rabbit hole half the fun would be that we could never grow up in Carroll's wonderland. The problem would be that all the adults would misunderstand us as we politely tried to be Alice. This year I have a terrible sense of bad timing. We the editors once again are threatening to quit if this blog isn't posted on time. We are late, we are late, we are so unfortunately out of time and fortune. Maybe we would be better off editing the stories of children.
The kayaking community continues to grow and in a very male dominated way. Before we head into the sad conclusion of this year’s blog; I somehow feel obliged to show pictures of the extended family that I will soon have the chance to take down a river near you. Anyone who dressed up as a Thai hooker, tossed a baby glued to an egg, swung at a talking baby piñata, fisted for prices, and showed up for the ping pong ball party for Brett and Kimberly’s baby shower knows that my sister and I love the role of baby shower planner.
Sam Smith I am
Marius gets a kiss from Dad
Rebecca and Henry
“From then on I began to measure my life not by years but by decades. The decade of my 50’s had been decisive because I became aware that almost everyone was younger than I. The decade of my sixties was the most intense because of the suspicion that I no longer had the time to make mistakes. My seventies were frightening because of a certain possibility that the decade might be my last. Still, when I woke on the first morning of my nineties in happy bed of Delgadina, I was struck by the agreeable idea that life was not something that passes by like Heraclitus’s ever-changing river but a unique opportunity to turn on the grill and keep broiling on the other side for another ninety years.” Gabriel Garcia
At the take out of the Grand Canyon I managed to drop a full glass bottle of liquor. The glass seemed to shatter of its own accord. In it’s own right this only seemed mildly strange. But when the pieces of glass picked themselves up and crawled into the trash, it appeared that some great law of physics had been broken. We will never forget our friend Jeff Kuhns. The timing all seems wrong and it seems like the one person who always remembered every conversation should have been the first person we would stand up and help in a time of need. Brett said it best, “Jeff always remember what you said. If you told him that you were teaching a new class, he would bring it up the next time you saw him. ‘Hey Shane (or Brett) how is that new class going?’” During the weeks that followed I made the mistake of watching a video Jeff had recorded right before I headed to class. The video showed a great day on Canyon Creek with my little brother and me, Brett, Jeff, and friends. I could hardly function during class. I cried hard 4 times during the service at the Edgefield. The first was when Brett talked. “Jeff and I were destined to be best friends. Whenever I got an idea I would first run it past my friend Shane, he would say “that is a great idea Brett, but did you think about how this and that person would feel”, then I would run it by my friend Jesus John and he would say, “that is a great idea Brett, but do you really think that is something that a mature teacher should be doing?” and finally I would ask Jeff and he would say, “that is a great idea Brett, but we could also do this, this, and that and make it a lot better!” Secondly I cried when I saw the sad look in the face of Jeff and Lisa’s daughter Ryan. Thirdly, when Mike Ross talked of one of his dirt bike rides with Jeff. “One day during the fall, Jeff was falling behind on a ride. He told me that when he rounded the corner he couldn’t see me, but he knew which direction I had traveled because the leaves on the trail were still flying in the air and beginning to settle.” Mike’s imagery was much more poignant, but you get the idea. Finally I cried when the day of the service was done. We were all leaving a bar full of kayakers and Jeff’s wife Lisa started crying. “You (kayakers) are such a great group of friends and (I don’t remember the rest because I was sobbing)” Yes, we are a great group of friends and we have lost so much. We went boating the Monday after the service on the mellow Coweeman. At the take out Brett had another of his “great ideas” and threw his kayak into the back window of an abandoned Honda Civic after running it past the landowner and downing a few shots of Jagger. It made for some great video, but the most amazing part happened after we left and wasn’t captured on tape. The shattered Honda Civic window gathered its pieces and crawled into the back of the Civic. It seems that Jeff is still picking up the pieces for Brett’s jokes and enjoying us as he always did and will.
Coweeman photos from Amber
And here I will end this year’s conversation, ramble, and blog. I have no more to say. I will leave you with a picture of one of Jeff’s great jokes. On Lisa’s 39th birthday he planned a surprise 40th birthday party and had everyone dress up as old timers. And with this picture I will remember him, I will continue to be open about my struggles with hypomania, I will continue to support and cherish his family, and I will enjoy 2010 and try to make another adventurous year-end report, as he would have wished.
Begin at the beginning and go on till you come to the end: then stop.
Alice in Wonderland
OK, I can’t leave you on such a sad note. I think it is appropriate to show some of Brett’s images of Jeff’s memorial at the Edgefield bar. Many of the key player’s in this journal are wearing Jeff’s hat and taking shots of Petron. Thanks for helping us feel better in a bad situation Brett.
Brett’s photo journal
